The Two Ushers
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church.
Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. 'You're not supposed to talk out loud in church.' 'Why? Who's going to stop me?' Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, 'See those two men standing by the door?
They're hushers.'
Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. 'You're not supposed to talk out loud in church.' 'Why? Who's going to stop me?' Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, 'See those two men standing by the door?
They're hushers.'
THE SECRET BOX
A preacher was told by his doctor that he had only a few weeks left to live.He went home feeling very sad, and when his wife heard the sad news she said to him, "Honey, if there's anything I can do to make you happy, tell me."
The preacher answered, "You know, dear, there's that box in the kitchen cabinet with what you always called "your little secret" in it and you said you never would want me to open it as long as you lived. Now that I'm about to go home to be with the Lord, why don't you show me what's in that secret box of yours?"
The preacher's wife got out the box and opened the lid.
It contained $10,000 and three eggs.
"What are those eggs doing in the box?" the preacher asked. "Well, Honey," she replied, "every time your sermon was really bad I put an egg in the box.
Now the preacher had been preaching for over forty years, and seeing only three eggs in that old shoe box, he started to feel very proud about himself and it warmed his soul.
"And what about that $10,000?"" he asked.
"Oh, you see," she whispered softly, "every time there were a dozen eggs in the box, I . . . ummm . . . sold them . . . and put a dollar in the box."
ADVICE FOR LIFE
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.
IDLE THOUGHTS
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can make me happy.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
A few miscellaneous events often overlooked when considering the "BC years"
3050 BC -
A Sumerian invents the wheel. Within the week, the idea is stolen and duplicated by other Sumerians, thereby establishing the business code of ethics.
2900 BC -
Egyptians create Sphinx, one of Seven Great Wonders of the Ancient World, but refuse to talk about it.
1850 BC -
Britons announce Operation Stonehenge a success after arranging slabs in sufficiently meaningless pattern to confuse "the learned" for centuries.
1785 BC -
The first calendar is introduced by Babylonian scientists.
1768 BC -
Babylonians experience winter in June.
776 BC -
The world's first known money appears in Persia. World's first known counterfeiter appears in Persia next day.
525 BC -
The first Olympics are held in Greece. An eastern block country enters six footer with a mustache in women's shot put.
410 BC -
Rome ends the practice of enslaving debtors, removing biggest single obstacle to the development of the credit card.
404 BC -
The Peloponnesian war enters 27th year because neither side can find a treaty writer who can spell "Peloponnesian."
214 BC -
Tens of thousands of Chinese people complete 1,500 mile long Great Wall. Neighbor's dog gets through.
1 BC -
Calendar manufacturers argue over what to call the next year.
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